Goodbye Forever 2013

I have been waiting for 2014 since January 1st 2013.

        2013 started off terribly and continued to be a year of disappointment, sadness, bad luck and bad timing.  

        This blog post is going to be very difficult for me to write, but I feel it will bring me closure.  

     I rung in 2013 sick with a very bad throat infection that ultimately resulted in an emergency tonsillectomy causing me to quit the show I was in two weeks before tech week (talk about disappointment; two months of rehearsal that amounted to nothing).  In January while I was recovering from my tonsil surgery I also re-dislocated my knee cap.  I missed almost a complete month of school (not consecutively) and got very behind on my studies.  

     

     In February my 16th birthday came along but I couldn't find joy in that either.  While everyone was having sweet sixteens I was in the middle of a mess that was just beginning. I discovered that my parents were planning to divorce but they hadn't told me yet. No, they would wait two more months of fighting and chaos to tell me.  Having that knowledge prematurely was my own personal hell.  I couldn't talk to either of my parents and the only person I felt I had in my life was my best friend Lydia.  

     Early Spring was filled with fear, confusion and worry.   Easter Day everything exploded.  I don't remember quite how I just remember a lot of crying, my father very emotionally unavailable told us that he and my mother were divorcing.  That night my mother, brother and I, emotionally vulnerable, hopped on a train to new york to seek refuge with my moms family.  I don't think I will ever be able to enjoy Easter day again.  

     The next months consisted of finding out the house I grew up in was going to have to be sold and we all had to move.  The fear of the unknown was what scared me the most.  Where were we going to live?  My mother still distraught and not really with it, my father pretty absent in my life.  For a while my aunt came down and lived with us, helping us pack up our house.

    This summer there were no vacations, my dad lived in DC for a new job, we had to look for a new house, I went to therapy weekly, I was depressed, I had to work to save my own money and still no theatre in my life.  I found jealousy every time I would go on Facebook and see beautiful vacation pictures.  I never even left the zip code.

   The fall things started to look a little promising.  I moved into a very cute house down the street from Lydia and Noah my two best friends!  I was offered the role of Olive in a SPARC production (which I had not done in forever) and I was enjoying my new job.  

    Transition is always hard.  It takes a lot of getting used to having your parents live apart.  My mom who had always been a stay-at-home mom got a job and suddenly wasn't always available anymore.  But I stuck it out and then got my license and could finally be more self sufficient.

   This winter has actually been very lovely. I love living near Noah and Lydia and Noah finally asked me to be his girlfriend.  After months of being miserable I am finally happy and coming out of my year long funk.

  I'm wishing everyone a very happy 2014.  I never could have imagined this as my life a year ago.  Life throws you curveballs and you just have to roll with them.

  God bless,
      Holly